I write this journal with a sad heart. The two people that mean more to me than anyone else are gone.

I awoke in an empty bed. Rymenhild left during the night. I don’t know why. She left a message but didn’t give me an explanation. She did promise me she would return. Then why does my heart feel as if someone shoved their fist through it?

She’s been gone before but I never worried during those times. She has her own projects and own things to take care of. I expected she would share what those things are. And she did. She told me a great deal. Who she was, what she’s been up to, who she is associated with…

Perhaps that is why this time feels so different. Before, we had a casual relationship but now that we’ve made ourselves so vulnerable, things are more serious. So now when she leaves, even with a note, it hurts. It hurts because her note sounded like she was hurting too. And all I can do is wait again. Wait like before until she is ready to open up to me again. And wait I will because I love and I care.

Syrenity left me in a different way. She should have never associated herself with Ravenholdt. But it’s too late now. She joined the League. She may not have signed her name in blood but she might as well have. No one leaves the League free and clear. She will forever be tied to them as Silverblade and I are.

The old Ren left me. She killed, no, assassinated someone. Alastair from long ago who was found guilty of those heinous crimes within the Cathedral. I do not mourn his death or feel that he didn’t have it coming. But she killed him under contract. She can justify her reasons but ultimately, it was a hit and she executed which makes her an assassin.

The old Ren is gone. She was my conscience and my moral compass. No matter what happened around me, I could always look to her knowing she would not compromise. My father held that role before, as did Bishop Eldrid. In darkness they were my Light. Ren was my Light. Is she still now?

I don’t know anymore.

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